I've been wanting to write this to you ever since I found out about you. But I've been putting it off because everytime I sit to a keyboard and think about you entering our family - tears stream down my face when I think of how happy and blessed I am to know and love you. You are already my treasure, my joy, my heart and soul.
(This picture is of your Uncle Peter,
Me and your grandfather - at the Great Wall of China - hence our fun hats that we found!)
The excitement and happiness that pumps thru my veins is like none other I've ever experienced.
I love to feel your movements, kicks, stretches and fingers and toes. I can only imagine what it's like where you are... and these days as my tummy grows... I count down the days we get to meet you in real life! (You are kicking right now! Even as I write!)
I pray every night for you JJ... and most of all I pray you will have the heart of your grandfather - my dad. He's spent his entire life - little one... serving others.
Lifting them up when hearts are down, counseling those who are in need of direction, holding those who are left alone and crying with those who weep. He is a backbone, a leader but also an angel who is sensitive to those who may not even realize what they're in need of.
He is a beautiful man of peace, great knowledge and amazing comfort. When he speaks, the room listens and when he prays... even those who do not believe in prayer... bow and feel blessed.
He is sincere in his love for others, and most of all he has always lead by example... not words. My daddy is always in study of more knowledge. He is open to constant growth and is not opposed to having his heart, soul and beliefs stretched even to the point of doubt and disbelief... always in the end trusting in God - knowing that He is fully in control.
My dad is a sweet and virtuous man, but not afraid to speak up, encourage or even lead when others may not see or agree.
He is a beautiful man I'd like you to know, he is a man I'd love you to want to be like he is also a man that has seen what it is to live, learn and love in times that are not easy or unbelievable. He is a man who you will always be able to go to - in need, in laughter and in trouble.
He is a person I want to be like - moving forward, in everyway- but especially with my children... you.
Now I know that one day he will read this and say "Oh Apey - you exagerate and leave out all my weaknesses and faults..." but truly JJ - he is the man that is to me - the closest example to what I pray God is like... if and when we meet Him.
You see, I've always felt the love of a father in times of great joy and great difficulty, and even in times when my dad could not understand my actions (even when I couldn't understand my own actions) he was always there to wrap his arms around me and let me know he would be there no matter what.
There are days where I remember being 5 years old on the soccer field in Erin Mills and hearing his booming low smooth voice yelling - "Goooooooo Apppppprrrriiiilll"... to when he held me in his arms last year and wept with me when I was in the depths of despair and confusion. He has always been my arms of safety, little one. I vividly remember him saying to both my sister and I one night - "there are 2 things I pray for my children everyday... that they feel the constant of Grace and Peace in their lives." And while, it's been quite a journey of good and bad for me, those two things have found my heart today and I guard them with everything I can.
Now I will pray the same for you.
JJ, I know that your dad will be like that, and so will I. We are committed to it. We will be your safe place, your protection and your place where you can come to us with questions, fears, joys and confusion... I pray little one, that your heart develops into a beautiful soul in which those around you will be blessed by your presence, your knowledge, talents and wisdom... everyday I pray you will have the heart of my dad - your grandfather.
"Perhaps you were too busy enjoying the good things in life... To realize what was Best for your life." - my dad, your grandfather
Love Your Mum
ps - wait until you hear about my Mum, your grandma - this is where you'll get your sense of adventure from!