Can't sleep

Dear JJ,

This morning, about 4 am the weight of the world was upon me so I got up early and did some work. You woke up and came out, and I said you still needed to sleep, that it was still night.  You asked why I was up and I said, "I just can't sleep."  You said, "I can't sleep either."

That you wanted to be with daddy made me smile. We went back into the bedroom and off you slept- after demanding a hug and your blanket.

As I listened to you snore the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. I never knew the weight of the world could be lifted off my shoulders by a four year old boy.

Thank you son, for putting life in such sweet perspective. Sometimes all you need is love.

Love,

Dad

Making Valentine's Cards for Teacher Ruth-Ann

Breakfast with Mom - Part 2

Mom and dad at breakfast this morning- collecting smiles while I can

In Alaska- the smile I love to collect

Dear JJ,

Mom was able to get out of the "memory care" center - and is doing better- not completely better, but so much better. And best of all, she loves my dad, and they just enjoy one another's company. So she is home now.

Yesterday my dad had to have the battery on his pacemaker changed. He did fine - but it meant a quick trip here (you and mom stayed home).

It is nice to see mom smile -even though her vision is gone, her hearing is poor, and she worries about her memory.

It is the smile she has-- and the big smiles - when we talked about you.  How you got your violin bow because you knew your violin exercises, how you like to watch Beethoven's Fifth.

Life is uncertain - but now I know that what I have to collect in life isn't things - its smiles.

Love,


Dad

Dad after his new pacemaker- first thing he wanted- Coffee

Confessions of a Foodie Dad

Having a few friends over I cooked....

Dear JJ,

While I am proud when you tell me that you want "sous vide steak," I do have a confession or two for you.

You see, sometimes when your mom is away on business, and it is just you and I - I feed you what we call "junk food."

Yes- your dad has blogs where he talks about cooking at home, I have recipes, your mom has made videos of you and I together in the kitchen.  I preach healthy eating - but sometimes, it is just pizza.

Being a dad means that sometimes we see reality a bit better. And before I was a dad I might give a jaundice eye to someone who told me they fed their kids pizza, or chicken nuggets. Reality is a funny universe.

Here is the truth: you are growing up healthy, with appropriate height and weight. You take your time eating, and you are a good kid.

Still- some of my favorite moments with you are in the kitchen (and I confess, some of my others are when we sit in McDonald's).

Perhaps when you have a son you will have strict rules about eating - but I hope not. Nothing like good junk food to feed the soul.

Love,

Dad

In the kitchen with you (we don't want those photos of pizza around).

The Three of Us

Dear JJ,

Shortly after you were born, I was as nervous as a new dad could be. But over to our house came Evo and Sheila. They also had a son, knew what I was going through, and put your mom and I at ease. When I wondered if what I was feeling as a dad was normal, Evo would be there with a word to encourage and reassure me.

Once your mom had to go away for an assignment and I was seeking someone to help watch you, Sheila was the first to volunteer.

Whenever they came over, you always wanted to play with Aunti Sheila, and she wanted to play with you.

They have always been good with you, because they have a son, NJ, who is now grown up and on his own. For a long time it was the three of them, much like we have the three of us.

At every stage of your life,  they have always quietly encouraged us about being parents of a boy, because they had been through it before.

Now they are gone to Europe, and later to other places. But the hardest thing for them, is their 21 year old son who is still here. They miss their friends, they don't miss Phoenix, but mostly they miss their son, NJ -- a nice young man.

Someday son, maybe your mom and I may be off to some adventure and leave you behind  (maybe when you are 30).  I can only imagine the heartache that Evo and Sheila  are going through with this. It is a part of life- we miss Evo and Sheila  greatly, but I know what will bring them back here is their son.

For them, like us,  in their hearts- even though their son is grown, it is "the three of us."

Love,

Dad

Uncle Evo and Aunti Sheila 

JJ between Auntie Sheila and Uncle Evo- helping play Cards Against Humanity

Happy Birthday Uncle Ron

Dear JJ,

It is your Uncle Ron's birthday - 65 years old today.  Like you, I have known him my entire life.

He was there, at Thanksgiving in 2009 when we announced we were pregnant. Your love of trains matches his love of the same. He has promised to take you on a train ride in a train park.

When you were young we found the cap that Ron wore at the same age - 61 years later you wore it.

I have one brother left- your Uncle Ron- today is his birthday

Happy Birthday

Love,

Dad

Wearing Uncle Ron's Cap -

This was Uncle Ron just 61 years before in that same cap

Uncle Ron on the left - shortly after learning he would be an uncle for the first time

That we stayed at Uncle Ron's 9 months before you were born.... 

One of the first people we told we were pregnant was Uncle Ron

In front of our house in Ketchikan - heading off to school - Ron had the brief case 

Here is Uncle Ron in the middle - better uncle Jim (right) and me

Becoming Scrooge

This year I put up a tree- first one I have put up in decades. With a big smile- because my son wants to decorate it.

Dear JJ,

You may have heard of the story of Scrooge- who lost the spirit of Christmas. When he was young he loved the holiday, but after a series of life events he lost that spirit and reveled in saying, "Bah humbug." He regained his spirit and became quite a man of Christmas cheer.

Somehow I had fallen into that. When I was a child I loved Christmas. My mom had the best and most meticulously decorated tree of all. Somewhere in my early adult life I lost the spirit of the holiday, perhaps because beliefs changed, or I was busy, or I was turned off by the commercialism  - a bit of all of it.

But my change didn't come because I was visited by ghosts, or found some new belief, and it didn't happen overnight. But today I saw the completed change.  Right now you are on the plane with your mom on your way home. Having spent extra time with your aunt Kim and family after Thanksgiving.

This morning- I put up the Christmas tree. Strung it with lights, and had a big smile on my face knowing you would be home and would love to decorate it.

You and your mother- completed the story of Scrooge for me.

Thank you son - a bit of love made this holiday a great one for me.

Love,

Dad

Your mom and I celebrated our first X-mas in 2009 with you in utero. We were quite happy- and inspired to put action figures on the tree. It was the first X-mas I was enjoying celebrating for many years

Last year you took a bit of interest in the tree - more than any year before

When you were 2, you didn't like Christmas ornaments - so when your mom was gone skiing you and I tossed them into the swimming pool. I thought I found a Scrooge spirit.

Like Uncle Ron you always liked trains

This year, with Auntie Kim and Riley, you found a new interest in decorating the tree

Of course your idea of a nativity scene is like mine - where does Batman go?

Tough Time Of Year

Dear  JJ,

This is a difficult time of year for me. Today would be Uncle Jimmy's 63rd birthday - the person you were named after. My brother, my friend- and the uncle who would have spent hours endlessly playing with you because he loved children as much as any person I have ever met.

He had many friends- and at his funeral people came from many miles around who had known him since he was a kid growing up in Ketchikan.

Every year Auntie Bev sends out a photograph of him with a bit of poetry that is the best descriptor of him. This is his photo and below are the words she sent out:

The measure of a man is not determined by his show of outward strength, or the volume of his voice, or the thunder of his action.  It is to be seen, rather, in terms of the nature and depth of his commitments, the genuineness of his friendships, the sincerity of his purpose, the quite courage of his convictions, his capacity to suffer, and his willingness to continue “growing up.”    Grady Poulard

James Erick Simpson
December 2, 1951~December 7, 2006

Loved By All

You have his smile, his sense of adventure- his love of people. No matter what you do in life, I couldn't me more proud of you for being like him.

Love,

Dad

The look

The smile