Thursday, January 19, 2012

The last breath

Dear JJ,

It is the most natural thing in the world for babies to reach for their parents when they become hurt or are in trouble, and yet those things last for a person's entire life.  Voice recorders from pilots who realize the plane is going to crash will cry out for their mothers.  It is the place of warmth and protection for us all.
When your uncle Jimmy became very sick, before he was put on the breathing machine- he spent a few minutes with his mother.  She was able to stroke his head, talk to him, and they were able to tell each other they loved one another.  It was the last conscious moments of his life. While children are never suppose to die before parents - I know that Jimmy was comforted in those final moments before he was given sedation and placed on the ventilator.  I also know that mom has that bitter sweet memory of being able to do that for her son.

Even today- when I call my parents (your grandparents) and mom finds out that I had a bit of oral surgery her words give me comfort.
One of the great joys I have found is when you are upset.  Crying, and no comfort- then you reach your arms out for me. Usually I take you outside and show you the moon, the stars, and even a passing jet. I show you the brightest star in the sky (usually it is the planet Jupiter) and tell you that is your star - its JJ's star. Or sometimes it is just putting you in a box with a rope and pulling you down the hall.

Giving you comfort- that is one of the joys your mom and I have.  We hope that you will always think of us that way- always.