Being a son

Dear JJ,

Leaving you this morning to check on my parents in their new home was tough. It may seem silly, it may not be important to you - but I won't be there for Halloween tonight. I won't be there to go around the neighborhood with you.

But today I have to be a son, but tomorrow I come home to be a dad.

But here is your pass: if you ever feel like you have to  check on me - or your mom, but you have a little one who wants you - stay home. I will be ok.

Love,

Dad

When Dad Cries

Dear JJ,

I remember the first time I saw my dad cry.  We had a car accident when I was about your age. We were all fine. Got to the hotel, and settled in and then dad cried - and mom comforted him.

The second time I saw him cry was after Uncle Jimmy died - his second son, the one named after him, the one you are named after.

When mom had to go to the memory care center, he cried. I heard him on the phone as we were talking.

Today I left him in his rehab unit in Portland. He had been in the hospital a few days, having fallen and thankfully Uncle Ron was there to call 911.  Now in rehab to get some strength back, and then soon to be in an assisted living center with mom.  I caught a flight up yesterday, to see him and mom.

I dropped by this morning on my way to the airport, and after I hugged him he cried.

Sons do that to us. I know - I have you. I've seen my dad, a man who at 91 has aged well, but still his body is failing him. I see how he appreciates his sons. I know how he feels.

Sometime son I will see you and when you leave I will cry. I'm sure I will when you go off to college, and maybe a few other times. It is what dad's do. It is ok.

Looking forward to seeing you later today.

Love,

Dad

Dad - we always like our coffee

Looking forward to seeing you

Soon they will be together in assisted living- they have been for 67 years. 

Fading

Dear JJ,

At 3:30 am my brother called to tell me he sent my dad to the hospital. Not the call you want to get at 3:30 in the morning, but calls you know will come.

You were sleeping in our bed - happy to be between mom and dad in what you call "the big bed."

I know when you get older you won't be "invading" our bed. But at that moment, hearing that - I could look at you sleeping, see the smile on your face, plant a gentle kiss on your cheek and let you know that dads feel this way. We know our time is limited. We love being dads, and when bad things happen - it is a refuge for us.

While dad has been in the hospital I talk to him several times a day. Each time I talk to him he thanks me for calling. I know how he feels.

You never know when your parents leave if that is the last you will see of them

Thank you for being my son,

Love,


Dad

My favorite assistant- helping me make ribs