Oh my your ten almost 11 and the year that was 2020

 Dear JJ,

JJ with Pup Club 2021

You will find when you are a dad that sometimes you think you will write things or blog things and you end up living life instead. So, this has been an “interesting” year.  And, if you have heard me at all, you know that “interesting” is never a good word.

We Moved:

I worked hard to get a job in California and somehow it all pulled together so in the first of 2020 we moved from our house - the only house you ever knew - to a new place that we are renting in Ventura. I started to work with another weight los surgeon, out of his office and it was great. I was working pretty hard and pretty long hours, but loved it.

A pandemic:

COVID19 hit our shores by the end of January. I had to take a trip back to Phoenix and was so worried I drove instead of flying. Since mom and dad had not come with us it was a great chance to see them both in their assisted living home, and mom in the memory care center. I didn’t know that it would be the last time I would see my mom alive. 

The Bad

My mom died - she died the day after Valentine’s Day in 2020. I was lucky enough to have seen her two weeks before she died. She had suffered from dementia. So I made a quick trip back to Phoenix where we arranged for mom’s cremation, packed up dad, and then dad went with Ron to Oregon for a couple of weeks before coming back to Ventura for five months.

Little did I know this was my last time with mom  and the last time I would see mo many dad together

California:

Because of the pandemic your school stopped except for online. Mom became your teacher, mother, and her favorite job - gym teacher taking you surfing. The hard part was you were just starting baseball and getting to know people and then it was all shut down.

Arizona visits:

Thankfully our friends from Arizona came - and that and FaceTime with them made your life easier. You miss Arizona a lot. You miss the house, you miss your friends, your school. Mom doesn’t miss Arizona but I do miss it - I had lived there since 1991.

Hawaii Cut Short:

We went on a trip to Hawaii, were there for three days when we had to leave because of COVID19. The good part - you got some scuba gear on in the swimming pool and were  a natural at it. Taking off. When we arrived back in California the state had issued a “shelter in place” order - the freeway was the most empty I have ever seen it.

September

School reopened in Fourth Grade with an exemption for you in September. You started to enjoy school a bit and found some new friends. You don’t like typing, cursive  and you and I do math together in the mornings.

December the end of 2020

On December 31st my job ended and I started being a solo-doctor again, but covering with Dr. Billy.

2021 Starts

 I began doing some wound care out of town - and really enjoyed doing it. The great thing was I could come home at night and not worry about a phone call from the days activity. 

Most elective surgery was stopped because of an uptick in COVID cases. But slowly starting again in February.

Pup Club

In the middle of the pandemic you organized our neighborhood dogs - who you got to know. Every Wednesday they come to our end of the street and have treats, play with each other, and we get to know the neighbors. We are all masked, but it is amazing you did that - it has saved our neighborhood. All the folks on our block on Foster love you and love watching you. 

You are Growing

You test us sometimes - but you are so nice and sweet and happy. Your mom and I could not be more proud of you and the young man you are becoming. 

We Found Golf

For months here I didn’t golf - then somehow you got me out to the public links again and you and I enjoy our time. Funny, I don’t remember those long cases I did, but I remember our golf games. You still want to drive the cart - I guess I have to see this as what is going to happen when you get a drivers permit.

We love you JJ. You bring joy to us every day. 

Dad

Rules to live by

Dear JJ,

Ever since I started to write this blog it has been a lot about love, mine for you and your mother. I wanted you to know how much I love you. Thoughts that go through my head.
But someone wrote a list of rules out for their son, and after reading through it- well, I modified a few of them and decided if you wanted any bit of wisdom - or advice - here it is.

Now I have to work on your birthday

Love,

Dad

1. Never shake a man’s hand sitting down.
- stand up
2. Don’t enter a pool by the stairs.
- we always cannonball

3. The man at the BBQ Grill is the closest thing to a king.
4. In a negotiation, never make the first offer.
5. Request the late check-out.
6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.
7. Hold your heroes to a higher standard.
8. Return a borrowed car with a full tank of gas.
9. Play with passion or don’t play at all…
10. When shaking hands, grip firmly and look them in the eye.
11. Don’t let a wishbone grow where a backbone should be.
12. If you need music on the beach, you’re missing the point.
13. Carry two handkerchiefs. The one in your back pocket is for you. The one in your breast pocket is for her.
14. You marry the girl, you marry her family.
15. Be like a duck. Remain calm on the surface and paddle like crazy underneath.
16. Experience the serenity of traveling alone.
17. Never be afraid to ask out the best looking girl in the room.
18. Never turn down a breath mint.
19. A sport coat is worth 1000 words.
20. Try writing your own eulogy. Never stop revising.
21. Thank a veteran. Then make it up to him.
--Grandpa Simpson - always the example
22. Eat lunch with the new kid.
-- someday you may be that new kid
23. After writing an angry email, read it carefully. Then delete it.
24. Ask your mum to play. She won’t let you win.
--do you even have to question this one?
25. Manners maketh the man.
26. Give credit. Take the blame.
27. Stand up to Bullies. Protect those bullied.
28. Write down your dreams.
29. Take time to snuggle your pets, they love you so much and are always happy to see you.
--Lucky, the best dog - but there will be other dogs. Never forget they will wait all day for you and are going to be happier than anyone else who waits for you
30. Be confident and humble at the same time.
31. If ever in doubt, remember whose son you are and REFUSE to just be ordinary!
32. In all things lead by example not explanation.
33. Vulnerability is ok and isnt anything to be ashamed about.
34. It’s not weak to speak.

It has been way too long

Dear JJ,

This has been kind of a rough year. In March I was hospitalized for pneumonia and spent several days in the hospital.  It was hard on you to see your dad there. 

Then later I had a small lesion taken off my nose and the results came back as a cancer - thankfully that changed and it was benign.

In those moments when I thought I had a disease that would take me from you, I thought of how I just want to spend as much time as I can with you in whatever time I had left.

So I am looking forward to coming to Canada for your birthday - nine years old.  It turns out you have been away from Phoenix since May 27th.  Even though I see you almost daily on the phone it isn't quite the same.  And a couple of days after I leave you and your mother are coming back to Phoenix.

At first I felt guilty about you coming back - the weather here is miserable. Then I realized - I miss you terribly, and your mother, and time is one thing I can't make up for, something I can't buy.

So, I promise to swim with you in the pool and in a couple of weeks you will start school.
See you soon,

Love,


Dad

Fun place to catch bugs- this from a couple of years ago

From this year in Canada - ah, lots to keep you busy

You have always had a special relationship with Gigi

Exploring Lake Ontario- even a shipwreck you have touched 

Poppop is the best

The lake is too much fun

While you were in Canada your dad found time to be on a wreck and I look forward to you learning scuba and joining your mom and I for more adventrues

My Golf Buddy

My Golf Buddy 

Dear JJ,

For the last few months, on Sunday morning, you want to come golfing with me and Uncle Steve. You are learning, but you are enthusiastic.  Sometimes I thought - oh, if I could just get an adult golf day. Then I saw you as you had just hit a shot, with a big smile on your face and I realized: in a few years you will be an adult, you may want to golf with your friends - so I have this amazing boy who loves to be with his daddy.

I can't wait to take you out next Sunday


Love,

Dad

Am I spending enough time with you?

Dear JJ,

The other night I came home, having left early in the morning to do some surgery, and you said, "I missed you today, dad."

I see photos of you from a few years ago and you have gone from a baby to a toddler to a second grader and I wonder - am I spending enough time with you?

Today I called hospice to talk about your grandmother, my mom, and I realize, we just never get to spend enough time with people we love.

But I am thankful for the time I can spend with you - you are happy, smiling, love making people laugh, and a good boy.

I love you son.


-- Dad

Both your front teeth are back

And you are always smiling

Best of life

Dear JJ,

Three weeks into second grade and you have been a "super scholar" several times.  What does that mean? You have been quiet - and didn't disrupt the class. But the nice thing was, I drove you to your first day of class - and we got our selfie

You are a natural leader, JJ. When kids are around you organize them, and help them move along with whatever game you play. You are quite social.

So what does your dad think?  I couldn't be more proud of you, and love that you still want me to put you to bed, read you Harry Potter, and then a few hours later sneak into our bed.

I couldn't be a happier dad. And I hope if you grow up and have kids that you have that same joy.

Stop, enjoy your kids - love every minute of them - no matter how hard it is, because this is the best time of life I have ever had.

Love Your Dad

You still love Pasta

We went to Cabo after First Grade - and you love it there

Grandpa is still one of your favorites

And travel is still important to you

How Do You Tell A Boy About Evil?

Dear JJ,

We took a trip and stopped in Berlin, Germany. I had to wonder - how do I tell you about evil? You hear about it in fairy tales, but what and when do I tell you?

How do I tell you that the place you are dancing was once where the Nazis burned books and imposed censorship upon one of the most literate peoples of the planet?

How do I tell you that this place you are taking a photograph has had two tragedies with it?

One is this church - bombed out from World War 2 - left as a symbol of a war that reduced Berlin to rubble.

This memorial next to it is where a person killed innocent people who were shopping, using his car as a weapon to promote another ideology of hate - ISIS. 

How do I explain that this photo I am having you stand in front of is the only time that the tanks of the United States and the USSR were lined up against one another and we narrowly avoided a World War that would have been the end of the planet?

How do I tell you that the monument you are enjoying is called the Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe, when just recently a friend of yours said that because your daddy is Jewish he will be going to where "all the monsters are."

How do I tell you that we, against a powerful government that is evil are like this: alone, naked, and needing help?

How do I explain that this wreath represents where five soldiers were shot because they wanted to end a brutal dictatorship?

I will tell you, and you will learn, but most of all this photo, taken next to a panel by Checkpoint Charlie,  reminds me that you are our hope. That "a little child will lead them."

Love,

Dad