My brother Erick

Dear JJ,

It is February 29th, and this would be your uncle Erick's birthday.  Erick was my closest oldest brother in age, but sadly he was born with such severe mental retardation that he was institutionalized from a few months of age.

I wrote about him shortly after he died. That link is here.

So today a bit of me feels the loss.

Love,

Dad

Eric, Jimmy, and Ron - my three brothers

In Dementia You Brighten Her Day

Dear JJ,

I don't know how much you will remember Grandma Simpson, my mom.  Sadly she is sliding more into dementia, having more difficulty even knowing where she is.

The decision to move her to a memory care center and away from her husband, my dad, of 67 years is hard to imagine. But she needs the extra care, and my father who has been faithfully taking care of her most personal needs has to have a break.

But one thing brightens her day - and that is you.

On Valentine's Day we went there to see her, and even though she had been in a wheelchair and sleeping, she saw you and smiled. Remarked about your curly hair. And sprung out of her chair to walk us out to the car when we went home - with a spring in her step.

You are her only grandchild. And even when she was in the hospital a few weeks ago after falling and breaking her wrist she was happy to hear that Grandpa Simpson was at our house with you. She said, "Oh, he needs some more grandpa time."

You make all of our lives happier, son.  You have no idea.

Six Years Ago Mom and Dad Frame Our Wedding

Even though her mind is going, she still has one of the finest palates I have known - skeptical about a glass of Silver Oak - she did like it ultimately 

Mom enjoying a rare glass of wine at our house

First Acceptance

Your Pre-School. Every Thursday I get to take you there - it is "Daddy's Day."

Still my favorite helper in the kitchen

Your Christmas concert - you have the sweetest voice

Dear JJ,

Your mom is thrilled - you were accepted to a charter school run by Great Hearts. It is a good school, and your buddy from pre-school, Liam, is there.

Your mom and I then began the process of wondering - how will you do, is it the right fit, and all of those questions that our parents never had about our school because there was not a choice.

But then I had a bit of sadness. You are growing up son. They say that by the time you are 18 years old you will have spent 90 per cent of the time with us that you will spend in our lives.

The other day I had to spend eight hours in the hospital ER with my mom, Grandma Simpson. She had fallen and broken a wrist.  On one hand I was a bit upset that the hospital ER was so inefficient at discharging her. Then I remembered that I have spent probably 98% of the time I will ever spend with my mom.  During those eight hours my mom smiled, was lucid, was happy, and it was good to be her son and enjoy her company during that time.

Right now I can't wait to get home from my business trip and give you a big hug. I'm glad you're my son, and glad you came into our lives.

Love,

Dad

We will always be your mom and dad

Mom and dad at our house

Dear JJ,

Over the past month we were able to get my mom and dad to move to Phoenix to be closer to us. It is never easy but among the lessons I learned was this:

Mom and Dad are still mom and dad.

I took a tumble just outside their apartment and hobbled in. Mom hugged me, sat me down and asked if I needed anything.  My dad said he had some ibuprofen. Both with concerned looks, both instantly became the mom and dad of a little boy of theirs.

We love you son - I hope to see you grow up - but no matter how old you will be, if something happens we will still be mom and dad. We will still want to help you, comfort you.  It is our nature.

Love,

Dad

My art has changed

Dear JJ,

A funny thing has happened to my walls.  I use to get art - things that other people created that reminded me of Alaska or sometimes photographs that I took - like the bears. But now I noticed my art has changed.

What is important to me are photographs of family.

Your mom brought a something that was framed to my office and it sat in the wrapping paper for some time.  Finally I opened it.  There it was - a painting of my son! I took down some piece of old Alaskan Art and replaced it with the picture of you.

Photos of my son - my favorite artwork.

Love,

Dad

Little did I know this was wrapped up

Replacing this old Alaskan carved art- you are much better!

What is a museum piece without a photo of you photographing it?

Everyone can go to the best restaurant in London, but how many can take a photo of your beautiful mom in front of it?

Holding out

From Mom's Cupboard

Dear JJ,

As I sat in my parents home I saw the spices my mom used.  She cooked until two years ago when macular degeneration made it unsafe for her to cook. You can see that she put big print on the jars so that she could see what they were to add them to the meals she made for my dad.  She did what she could.

Then when she became nearly blind, and could no longer cook my dad would take her daily to breakfast and then to lunch.

Every day my 91 year old dad would take her out to eat.

Then it got to where he couldn't do that.

They are both in a safe place now - where they are fed, and looked after.

Forced retirement for both of them - but it is ok. It is ok to retire.

It has been a hard week to see my folks move into assisted living. When I was in mom's kitchen I could hear her tell me to taste the food, smell the food, add more flavor. I could see my dad sitting at his desk balancing his checkbook in case the bank made a mistake. But mostly I remember being a little boy in their house- with mom and dad bigger than life, being protected and loved.

You will know me as an older dad. I will retire from my job when you are still a young man.

But know this - I will never retire from being your dad. And I will do as much as I can, for as long as I can, to be there for you - to make you laugh, to encourage you to be a nice person, to let you know that your are loved.

Love,

Dad

One of the last times dad brought mom to breakfast and ordered for her off the menu - she is blind.

I suspected when I took this photo of them walking to the parking lot it would be one of the last times dad could drive her to breakfast. Now they are in a good place and dad no longer has to drive them. 

Being a son

Dear JJ,

Leaving you this morning to check on my parents in their new home was tough. It may seem silly, it may not be important to you - but I won't be there for Halloween tonight. I won't be there to go around the neighborhood with you.

But today I have to be a son, but tomorrow I come home to be a dad.

But here is your pass: if you ever feel like you have to  check on me - or your mom, but you have a little one who wants you - stay home. I will be ok.

Love,

Dad